|New Moon Rising. acrylic on vellum. 23″x35″|
As I develop my ability to listen to the wisdom my body is sending me all the time,
it is becoming easier to decipher what is needed in order for me to stay in open awareness
with my own truth and work.
Or, at least, there is a little more clarity about when not to do something
and when to take appropriate action.
It’s showing up in many ways in my life.
This is something that I haven’t always been very good at – this listening and obeying.
I’m no pro, that’s for sure.
But I’m beginning to recognize the language of my body’s wise messages.
And that when I tend to her suggestions with willing participation,
everything begins to flow with effortlessness again.
For me, when something inside is in the way or needs tending –
a blockage, resistance, unfinished business –
I just *feel* it. Physically.
This past week, as the closing day for prayer submissions for my next collective prayer painting drew near,
I began to receive the signals that something in me wasn’t ready to step into this painting just yet.
Like a knot in your neck that needs massaged.
Or a headache just begging for the lights to be out in utter quiet for just an hour or two.
Or – in my case – a good case of low back aches, shoulder tension, irritable emotions
and a busy busy monkey-mind gremlin party inside.
But this time I knew what I had to do.
I had to paint before the collective painting.
Before opening up the form and beginning to read the prayers of others.
I had to paint for me.
Something needed to come out, to be seen.
Something needed a little acknowledgement and tending love.
A little self-care.
So that I could be fully open in service
to hold the prayers of others.
What came out is the painting you see above…
what you don’t see is the message she had for me.
One of vulnerability and dark places.
One of forgiveness and commitment, without fear,
and with a total sense of worthiness.
One that reminds that there would be no shadow but for the light,
and no comprehension of the light’s beauty without the contrast.
And that release/relief comes in surrender
to the momentous energy that lies behind all creative transformations
waxing and waning into being.
It was a personal outpouring,
where words were not necessary, but the understanding profound,
and by way of an odd palette for me.
But one that I needed to paint through.
I am so grateful to be developing the skill to listen and respond,
to take care of me.
I felt so much better, so much clearer
on how to show up and do my true work,
one step into the dark unknown at a time.
I felt so ready to hold space for the prayers of others,
so ready to paint the next painting…