- the old ‘my artwork isn’t good enough’ Gremlin is a very dedicated little critter who has impeccable timing. and who also sometimes disguises him/herself as the ‘no one likes my artwork anyway’, or the ‘i’m not good enough’, or the ‘you’ll just be embarassed because no one will bid’, or the ‘you’re not as talented as other artists’ Gremlin. yeah, she wears many convincing masks, depending on her mood – and somehow finds just the right one to push my buttons, keeping me in my comfort zone of lack of self-confidence and non-vulnerability.
- and then there’s the stingy Ghoul (and she shows up with the ‘not good enough’ Gremlin to really confuse me, by throwing a little disguised ego into the mix. but pay attention, because really their message is often the same). yep – i’m admitting it. i’ve been a little righteously stingy. in the past, it has been hard to justify donating artwork while trying so hard to establish it as worthy of purchase and value. it’s an argument i think many artists have to face at some point, and i’m not sure this one is Totally off base…because artists DO deserve to be compensated for their work, absolutely. and every other venue, collector, organization, or cause wants artists to give up the results of their talent and sweat for free, for the greater good. it can be a little irritating, when looked at from one point of view. but on the other hand, there’s an awful lot of fabulous artwork that could go for good causes, that otherwise sits in closets, under beds and in portfolios never to see the light of day. some pieces are personal or sentimental – just not meant for others.
but other pieces…well, maybe there’s a better life, a gesture of intentional energetic flow that could exist for some art when we let go of simple attachment.
this makes more and more sense to me as i focus on the process rather than the outcome.
|Earth Healing Mama. Mixed media. 11″x14″.|
this was no small challenge….
doubts and questions and judgments came up along the way.
i even wanted to scrap it and start over a couple of times, but i stuck with it, determined to see it through, repeatedly redirecting my monkeymind to the mantra “earth healing” –
trusting that the intention would resonate inside of me and in the woman who will win this painting.
as with all of my Fearless/intuitive paintings – there were times in the process that i loved it
and times i hated it.
in the end, i am satisfied not with feeling as though she will necessarily be appropriate or good enough or even admired…
because i can see beyond that to the whole process of her creation and the intention of the donation itself
(which is to help fund the scholarships that go to women who otherwise would not be able to attend this amazing conference of women, healing, earth medicine, music, expression and learning. )
and here is the beauty:
i have offered something that gave me the opportunity to practice deeper what i feel spiritually passionate about, and this painting will be part of a raffle that will inspire other women to offer their dollars
– and those energies together will help another woman learn more about herself and healing potential at next year’s conference.
i mean, isn’t that cool?
and i am honored to offer her out into the world for something beyond me and
my internal struggles or triumphs.
i am so glad she will have a life beyond her creation in my studio, and that her energy (and mine) will extend past our time together
and into the greater flow of energy
shared between women.