xmasdayaj

 

The holidays are a strange mix of emotions for me.  A flurry of energy coming and going, this way and that.  Joy and melancholy, all at once. I’m learning to be gentler with myself about it – and therefore, everyone else, too.

Top it off with the transition of one year into the next and all of the great pressure to move through that with sparkly declaration of release and invitation, celebration of successes and goal setting. To be perfectly honest, it all exhausts me – even though I ADORE the reflective process and the richness it adds to my creative practice and awareness of how I’m navigating this blessed life. Perhaps, if the New Year were later in January, and not so close to Christmas and our annual journey north… perhaps I’d have more oomph for it.

So, as energy levels would have it, I brought in the New Year with tiredness and tears. I wish I could say it felt more magical somehow. Yet, it was my truth, in the moment. And I felt better having cried for it, having released and let go of unnecessary expectations I’d been placing on myself and others.  My body and spirit knew what I needed to wake up feeling still and centered this morning – just a good ol’, rolling-down-the-cheeks cry in honor of my wholeness, not just my shine – including the part of me that just doesn’t feel quite ready for all of the amazing-ness and mystery 2014 seems to be promising.

As odd as it may sound to some, even feeling so deeply blessed and grateful can be a bit overwhelming to my watery~air nature. Grounding is so deeply important for my soul – and tears can serve in this way, at times. What we need, our body will deliver.

For the past few weeks, I threw around lots of words on the page – to see if any jumped out at me for 2014… and there were some really good ones, but nothing that grabbed me, none that gave me the feeling I get when I *know*. I consulted an oracle deck, and pulled the PEACE card, which made me giggle because that was my word for last year, and one that I recognize now as a lifelong guide of sorts.

What I do know is that somehow what I intend for 2014 is about energy and transmission and wholeness. Being open to creative spirit to work through me, to inspire me, to inspire others through me. To trust this.  I felt dissatisfied with words because what I want so deeply to experience more fully, to be a student of and to transmit in my work in the world cannot be contained in this way. It’s ineffable… and part of me resists that, too, because words can become such safe, seductive distraction from the experience of connection itself – the kind of connection that begs us to surrender ourselves over to something bigger, something mysterious, something guided by a {who,what} we can only begin to comprehend in the quiet temple within.

So, when I woke up this morning, I knew that the word I was looking for was actually the feeling I was waiting for in the looking these past few weeks. The best I can do to name it is this: RESONANCE.

That vibration, that sensation, the a-ha — the feeling of wholeness over perfection, fullness over scarcity and the kind of depth that can only be known in trusting, willing connection and freeing your spirit again and again.

This is what I want to move toward and with, and let pour through my hands and heart. This is what I want to surrender to, to offer through me, from my whole truth and pure curiosity. An evocation of felt RESONANCE – and the energy, grace and love this inspires.

Resonance.
The feeling, without the words.
The effortlessness of it as I open deeper to living in sync with it.

May you also choose to be guided by whatever most resonates within your whole~heart~truth for 2014.

 

 

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