always within {new painting}

painting process 1-3, Hali Karla

maypaintingprocess4-6

maypaintingdetail1

maypainting final2

It had been about six months since I painted big on my wall.

I've done a few large pieces on the floor (like this one), but there's something about the ritual of putting it on the wall that engages my whole body and spirit with the process. It sort of marks the time we're about to share - me and the painting. I staple and tape it up and an agreement is made... I will listen. I will slow down and really see. I will offer up my creative energy and time, and paint for the act of painting. On {her} terms, and until the painting let's me know {she's} complete.

It's a surrender. A rite. A safe space to be with the sensation of not knowing. It's full of little surprises. It's complex when I want it to be simple; simple when my mind is hungry for layers of meaning to bite into. But, I agree to meet the painting wholly, spontaneously. I agree to meet my self. Right where I am.

It's messy and often uncomfortable. Like a cleanse, sometimes it's even a very physical process of sensation. It teaches me. Like good nourishment, it fills me well and leaves me to digest and reap the energy.

It's never quite what I thought it would be when I began. And yet, it breathes peace into my heartspace - a sort of... freedom - the kind I never quite find outside of my self, no matter how much I distract myself in trying.

It's the act of painting in this way that initiates it - the remembering of this. It's always funny to me how I forget and remember my love for this embodied creative process, again and again, in the day to day.

Next month, I'm going to bring a bit of this flavor to our Spectrum participants. It's so good - I just can't help myself.